Alyosha.
The Publicity Agent is sitting in his office working at his computer. Every wall is covered with film promotion posters. The Capt'n enters.
Capt'n
What's this? It must be a super promotion this week.
Publicity Agent
Actually, I'm not doing the promo just at the moment. (very importantly) I'm writing a film script.
Capt'n kindly
A film script? You don't think you're over stretching yourself a little?
Publicity Agent
No, not at all. I got the idea from watching the films at the free screening of the Bendigo Film Society. I was going to call my film "Doctor Strangelove meets Blade", but now I'll think I call it "Alyosha".
Capt'n
Well let's hear it.
Publicity Agent
You remember in "Doctor Strangelove", despite Seller's efforts on three fronts, ultimately the Doomsday Machine is set off. However Strangelove has plans where selected people will go underground to escape the holocaust.
Capt'n
Yeah, we can assume that happened.
Publicity Agent
Now, did you see "Blade"? In the final scene we have the superhero Blade fronting Dracula on a snowy Moscow street.
(see short brief on Strangelove and Blade - ed)
Capt'n less sure
Yeah.
Publicity Agent
Well, my film picks up from there. It opens on that closing scene of "Blade". Dracula flees from Blade to hide in the Kremlin and then via secret passages goes underground. It turns out that these underground passages link to the very ones that Strangelove has chosen for refuge to save the human race. I might pinch some stuff from the "Journey to the Center of the Earth" for this bit. Well of course Blade and Strangelove meet and they reckon that by combining their talents they will defeat evil and save the human race.
Capt'n
Where does Alyosha come into it?
Publicity Agent
Ha! While in Moscow Blade rescues Alyosha, a beautiful blonde White Russian princess, from Rasputin. She's a warrior, a sort of Russian Xena.
Capt'n
But "Alyosha" is a man's name. I've read it somewhere ...
Publicity Agent
It doesn't sound like a man's name. Anyhow the film will be made in Hollywood and watched by Americans, so it's of no consequence.
Capt'n
Do you actually have some script written?
Publicity Agent theatrically
The Climax. Alyosha and Strangelove face Dracula. Strangelove cannot assist as his gloved hand has gained control of his wheelchair. Alyosha has Dracula at bay above a fiery abyss. One shot from Alyosha's silver tipped arrows and Dracula's done for. However he has a Russian child as hostage, a young girl who has already suffered mistreatment by her parents. I'll read it.
Strangelove
Alyosha! You can save human destiny, you can make man happy and give him perpetual peace and comfort at last. (apparently, Strangelove was not aware of PC - ed) True, it is inevitable that the girl will die if you kill Dracula. But do it, Alyosha, think of human destiny. What is one life? Shot!
Alyosha
No, I won't. I don't admit that mankind could accept such a price.
Publicity Agent
You see, Alyosha cannot face killing an innocent regardless of the worth of the outcome.
Capt'n absorbed
A moral dilemma! So what happens?
Publicity Agent relaxes
Well it turns out, what with the Doomsday Machine going off and Blade pursuing him all over and not having had a bite to drink for weeks, that Dracula has forgotten to keep up the paper work on his Russpack corporate credit card. As a consequence, Alex, a heavy from Finance, and the CCCP come to sort him out.
Capt'n
The CCCP?
Publicity Agent
The Corporate Credit Card Police. Man, you don't mess with those boys! All Dracula's supernatural stuff is not worth a rouble. Anyhow the CCCP rough him up a bit and pitch him into the fiery abyss, and that's that.
Capt'n
But the little girl?
Publicity Agent
She's fine, a Russpack rep signs her up for a credit card with a five thousand dollar monthly limit.
Capt'n
Okay, okay it's a good story, but what about the promo for the Bar?
Publicity Agent
Perhaps we could write it into the credits.
"Bar scenes shot at Campbell Bar, Applied Science 2, via Baker St., 5:00 pm Fridays".
Capt'n
Alyosha's welcome, but I don't want Blade, Dracula, Strangelove or that CCCP mob to front up. They'll just lower the tone of the Bar.
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