Elocution.
The Publicity Agent's office. The walls are covered with movie posters; Audry Hepburn and early Julie Andrew films dominate. A crude xylophone made from glass jars partially filled with water is on the window ledge. The Publicity Agent has two black eyes. The Capt'n enters.
Capt'n
Boy! Where'd ya get the shiners?
Publicity Agent
It's a long story. It started when I was embarrassed last week because that bloke at Georges spoke so well and I felt out of place, so I've been practising my elocution. I've used scenes from "My Fair Lady" as a guide.
Capt'n
Sounds innocent enough
Publicity Agent
I'm quite good, listen. (recites with exaggerated precision)
The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plains.
Capt'n
The best I've heard this side of Singapore.
Publicity Agent
And. (supports himself by playing apparently random notes on the xylophone)
How nice of you to ask me out for tea.
Capt'n
Okay, so?
Publicity Agent
I thought I'd try some face to face practice in the library. I said to the girl at the desk.
"How nice of you to ask me out for tea."
Capt'n laughs
Well that's a new one! What happened?
Publicity Agent perplexed
She said "In your dreams" and walked off. A second girl came up and said "What was that about?" I said "How nice of you to ask me out for tea" and before I could explain, she hit me.
Capt'n
Only once?
Publicity Agent
Yes, I managed to hide under a sorting trolley. I got the other black eye out of town.
Capt'n
Go on.
Publicity Agent
It was a nice sunny day last week before the rain came. I saw this farmer in a paddock, I could see he wasn't busy because he was just kicking the dirt with his boot and watching the wind blow the dust away. I went up to him and said "Sir" just like that bloke in Georges said to us. He didn't say anything, just gave me a funny look. I said "The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plains." He said "Smart arse." and hit me. I can tell you, I was a lot better off when I didn't speak properly.
Capt'n sympathetic
By George you got it! You poor little vegiemite. I guess there's no promo this week.
Publicity Agent cheers up
Yeah there is! I've been working on it. You see Julie Andrews was Eliza in the Broadway "My Fair Lady". And of course she had the lead in that High Art film "The Sound of Music" and that got me thinking about a musical promo. It's a bit rough, it's only a draft.
Capt'n resigned
Well, let's hear it.
Publicity Agent in stage act mode
I'd like to present a new piece. It's called My Favourite Things,
Garlic on biscuits / and cheeses on cookies
Elegant glasses / and starting price bookies
Small sexy packages / with mysterious rings
These are a few of my favourite things
Ruby red wine / that flows from the bottle
Theories on life / and proofs Aristotle
Mateship that jostles / with friendship that clings
These are a few of my favourite things
Girls in smart jackets / with daffodil badges
The Sues and Diannes / the Karens and Madges
The closing of deals / and the pulling of strings
These are a few of my favourite things
Campbell Bar promos / on dull Friday mornings
Notes from Finances / with ominous warnings
The campus romances / those impossible flings
These are a few of my favourite things
When the net's down
When ol' Mic rings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favourite things
And then I don't feel so bad.
Capt'n
I guess you'll get away with the EO. But couldn't you work "Campbell Bar, via Baker St., Applied Science Two, Fridays at five" into it somehow?
Publicity Agent
Perhap's we might try an opera ...
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