*** Down the Lachlan ***

It is the Publicity Agent's office. He is writing with a well chewed pencil stub on the back of some sheets of paper he has extracted from the "Security Destruction Only" bin in the general office. The Capt'n enters.

Capt'n
What's this, a shopping list?

Publicity Agent importantly
It's a letter to the Mayor of Brisbane.

Capt'n
Why not email him? Or at least use a word processor.

Publicity Agent
No, this is how they do it up North.

Capt'n
Eh?

Publicity Agent
Yes, listen.
uses pile of unreturned administration forms, student assignments and prac reports as a soapbox - strikes pose of an orator
     I had written him a letter which I had, for want of better
         Knowledge, sent to where I met him down the Lachlan, years ago,
     He was shearing when I knew him, so I sent the letter to him,
         Just "on spec", addressed as follows: "Clancy, of The Overflow".

     And an answer came directed in a writing unexpected,
         (And I think the same was written in a thumbnail dipped in tar)
     'Twas his shearing mate who wrote it, and verbatim I will quote it:
         "Clancy's gone to Queensland droving, and we don't know where he are."

See it's all done by hand written mail up there.

Capt'n
Patterson wrote that a hundred years ago.
[published in The Bulletin 21 December 1889 - ed]
Things have changed since then.

Publicity Agent
No. When Costello went on his journey to the bush just the other week, he met drovers and even quoted Patterson.
(strikes pose of orator again) I can do the complete ...

Capt'n quickly, fearful of further recitation
Well, you'd hardly expect Costello to quote Lawson. But that's not the point.

Publicity Agent
Yes it is, you said we don't have drovers any more.

Capt'n
No I didn't. I said, "Why not use email"?

Publicity Agent
How could you email a drover? That's silly.

Capt'n emphatically
The Mayor of Brisbane is not a drover!

Publicity Agent emphatically
I know that! He probably doesn't even own a horse. The City would provide him with a buggy.

Capt'n lets it rest
What's your letter about?

Publicity Agent
The Mayor of Brisbane has proposed that everyone in Brisbane read a copy of Peter Carey's Ned Kelly book at the same time. It won a Booker prize.

Capt'n
Yeah?

Publicity Agent
He obviously is doing for economy of scale. That's the reason for everything now. If everyone reads the same book, it will be cheaper to print and distribute.

Capt'n
No, I think it's a cultural thing.

Publicity Agent intrigued by such an original argument
Culture? Brisbane?

Capt'n lets it through to the keeper
So, what are you going to say to the Mayor?

Publicity Agent
Well it's clear that it's a good idea, and that it should be pursued further. Why stop at books? (consults list he has made on the back of a student's Special Consideration form) For example everyone could listen the same CD, eat the same breakfast food, wear the same colour socks, go to the same film, have the same Drysdale print hanging in the living room, the same Conservation calendar hanging in the kitchen. Think of the savings for CD shops and libraries, they'd only need to handle the one current item at a time.

Capt'n
All in the interest of economy of scale?

Publicity Agent with rising enthusiasm
Yes, now I see, you get it! And surely, you can see that the principle is applicable to all sorts of situations. Look at the University. These petty little economies we practise now, dropping a course or two here, a handful of subjects there, buying cheap staplers, are not going to achieve real savings in the long term. (gets back on soapbox) We need to look at the big picture. We must go bravely advancing forward without fear into the potential oncoming future! This entire campus could have just a single course! Everyone would do the same subjects. We could have a couple of Arts subjects, a couple of IT subjects, a couple of Health Science subjects, a couple of Business subjects, a couple of Outdoor Education subjects, a couple of Multimedia subjects, a couple of Maths subjects, a couple of Hospitality subjects and perhaps some sort of soft Science subject [SSSSS101? - ed]. The main thing would be that everyone does the same course and gets the same extensive education with minimal fuss. Imagine the ....

Capt'n interrupting, he has no interest in the proposal
Sell it to Brisbane first. Now about the promo, get the usual line in -
Campbell Bar, via Baker Street, Applied Science 2, 5:00 Friday.

Publicity Agent
You're right of course. Sell it to Brisbane first. (turns back to notes) Let me check my list: books, music, food, clothing, prints, calendars, Theatre. Oh, I'd forgotten Theatre. We'd need something of quality if everyone is going to see it. The Booker Prize of Theatre. (looks at papers on desk) Ah, yes, just the thing,
Theatre Café, Leadlight Café, Sunday 25th, 5:00 details.

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