The Great Debate.

The Publicity Agent's office. Barely fitting in the room is a large beach umbrella. The Publicity Agent is wearing a smart if rather loud suit and a pork pie hat. He has a leather carpenter's bag on a strap around his neck. The Capt'n enters.

Capt'n
What's with the bowl of fruit and the beach gear?

Publicity Agent
I'm a bookie. I'm running a book on The Great Debate.

Capt'n
Oh, yeah. What are the odds?

Publicity Agent
Well I reckon that the Meeuwis-Fran-Glenda team is in trouble because Meeuwis is too much of a gentleman to outpoint his wife and it was Jacques not Fran who got the last degree and Glenda is just too nice a person altogether to have the killer instinct you need for the cut and thrust of a hard debate. I'm paying two-seventy-five against a dollar for that team.

Capt'n
Geee! And what are you offering on the other team.

Publicity Agent
The Mary-Graeme-Phil team are in trouble too. Mary is too much of a lady to outpoint her husband, I suspect Graeme, as a mathematician, may be too analytical for a mixed audience. But now this is really interesting and keep it quiet or there'll be a run on the other team. (confidentially) I heard from a very good source that Phil Scott can't speak for four minutes.

Capt'n
What rubbish! He gives fifty minute lectures. I've never heard him short of a word.

Publicity Agent
Ah, you see, that's the trouble, he can give long talks but not short ones. Anyhow I've solved that problem for him.

Capt'n
Oh, yeah.

Publicity Agent
It's simple, he just needs to write a forty minute talk and speak every tenth word of it. It would have to come out pretty right on average. But I suspect he won't take my advice so I still don't fancy their chances and I'm paying two-seventy-five for a win on that team also.

Capt'n
You're giving better than even money for both sides, you must be pretty cocky about a draw.

Publicity Agent
No, no. There won't be draw. Barry's the Chair, he'd never do anything as wimpish as declaring a draw! Ask any other Chair.

Capt'n
Don't you see, if I place a dollar on each team, at those odds I'm bound to win and you'll lose.

Publicity Agent
You're quite simply wrong. Say you put a dollar on team A and a dollar on team B. Assume A wins, I pay you $2.75, however you're $2.75 behind because B didn't win and in addition it cost you $2 to buy in. All up you're $2 out of pocket, and since I'm the only one around it must be in my pocket. And (triumphantly) it still works out to my advantage if B wins!

Capt'n
But ... (hesitates not knowing where to start)

Publicity Agent
Really you business people aren't as smart as you like to think. I'll show you. I wanted a CD burner so I went to Big As Computers and John quoted me $265.

Capt'n
That's a fair price.

Publicity Agent
Then I went to a computer swop meet and there was one for $130, so by buying it I could save $135. I brought it with the $135 I saved and had five dollars left over to buy some discs. So I got the CD burner and discs for nothing.

Capt'n attempts explanation
Say you went the swop meet with $300 dollars in your pocket ...

Publicity Agent
That's silly, if I had $300 dollars I would have got the burner from John in the first place!

Capt'n gives up on explanation
How is the CD burner?

Publicity Agent
It's more a CD melter than a CD burner, but it does a great toasted cheese sandwich.

Capt'n thoughtfully
It does seem to have an awful lot of chrome on it.

Publicity Agent
It works out well, I use the pop out tray on my old CD reader as a coffee cup stand.

Publicity Agent
Yeah, and what do you do with the floppy disc drive?

Publicity Agent
I keep my La Trobe Visa card in there. You're meant to keep it secure and no one would think to look there. A funny thing was that my copy of Botticelli's Venus got transferred to it. {reference Art - ed} When they swiped the card at Abbott Supply she appeared on the monitors. The blokes were really impressed.

Capt'n business like
Look, we need to do a promo on the debate, the Bar's managing the drinks. There was an email about it.

	The next Great Debate, brought to you by a combination of the Teaching
	Committee, the Office of Promotion, the Dean and the Campbell Bar:

	"That a partner on campus enhances life - to a degree"

	will take place in the Ironbark Centre,  Room 1.03
	On Friday 10th August at 5.30pm  (drinks in the foyer from 5)

Publicity Agent
I had a great idea about the Great Debate, did I tell you? We could open a book on it. (the Capt'n releases the catch on the umbrella which closes on the Publicity Agent who never-the-less continues unabated if somewhat muffled) If we pay two-seventy-five for a win ....

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